Hope Springs Eternal

Hope does spring eternal. It better! It sucks living without it. In the back of my mind, I have hope even when I'm conscious of feeling despair. Maybe despair is a harsh word. It's more of a whiney woe is me, sorry for myself emotion than a desperate hopelessness.

Despair: 1. To lose all hope 2. To be overcome by a sense of futility or defeat.

In the battle with SSA, I'm guilty of number 2 at times. I have to own that. At those low moments, I can feel myself reaching out to the universe, screaming for God to fix it all if He really loves me, knowing He darn well could and feeling such deep self-loathing that I just must be so bad that I don't deserve His omnipotent rescue.

"..overcome by a sense of futility.." yup that sums it up. But it's not useless to fight SSA, not hopeless. Down deep I KNOW all of this is part of His plan for me and for my loved ones. "What doesn't kill us.." and all that - but more than strength, we're supposed to grow. And I think too, we're supposed to feel helpless (not defeated.) After all, if we're not aware of our helplessness, our utter lack of power, how can we be humble enough to accept help? Our worst problems bring us to our knees and make us cry out for saving.

And what better, more intricate, more seemingly unsolvable problem could He have designed than SSA, from the politically correct lies that surround it, to the twisted mess of buried emotional problems that caused it, to the confusing feelings of repulsion and desire that drive it? It's so big ONLY GOD can solve it.

And then there's HOPE springing eternal from every blessed testimony I hear, every ex-gay I meet, and every family that has been drawn to God and faith because of SSA touching their lives.

For GOD LOVES ME and He loves my family. WOOT!

Visit SSA HOPE.com and hang in there.



  1. Yes, making healthy friendships is key. Acting out homosexually is all about crossing each others boundaries in unhealthy ways, that's exactly what it boils down to in spite of what pro-homosexuality persons would have you believe.


Post a Comment

Feel free to leave an honest comment. Comments are moderated and hateful speech will not be tolerated.