Thursday, August 16, 2012

A friend posted this link on facebook. The article is so unexpected in that the author fits no box or profile and he takes his stand in a raw and humble way. He was raised by two lesbian 'mothers', had no father, grew up gay, had a relationship and married a woman, was labeled bisexual and sumarily dismissed by everyone in the gay community.
I advise you to click on the link and read the whole article, which is really about gay marriage. Here is an excerpt from:
August 11, 2012
The Soul-Crushing Scorched-Earth Battle for Gay Marriage
By Robert Oscar Lopez
Since I was a toddler, I have been stuck with all sorts of Gay Questions. You see, I have no memories of my biological father being around my house. My earliest memories are of my mother and her best friend, who I eventually discovered was her female romantic partner. They raised me together through all of my childhood and adolescence. My mother died when I was nineteen. It may please today's gay activists to know that then, in 1990, my mother's partner was able to be by my mother's bedside.
Yet there has never been peace between me and the gay community. In the 1970s and 1980s, I was raised by two women, both of whom I credit for doing a great job in a rather intolerant era. But it was hard on me, and I have never been hesitant to share my experience truthfully. I suffered from not having contact with my father and lacking a male role model. Period.
One effect of the difficulties was that I dropped out of college and sought parenting from troublesome people.
In the 1990s, I watched many gay men who had become surrogate father and surrogate mother figures to me die. One by one, repeating the tragedy of my mother, they disappeared. They were all alone except, in many cases, for me. The gay community treated them with shame even as they were the only sense of family I thought I'd have left.
In my late twenties, I finally lost my virginity to the woman who would bear me a child and become my wife. So bingo, I was suddenly "bisexual." (My wife knows everything, and I do not plan on hiding my past.) I realized soon enough that bisexuals aren't very popular among the gays. "You're lying," "you're a wacko ex-gay," and "those pictures are going to destroy you!" were all subtle ways of gay friends telling me they weren't going to invite me to parties anymore.
There's more, but I'll stop with the autobiography there. The point is this: if gay marriage is a solution without a problem, I am the gay community's problem without a solution. I don't fit any of their narratives. Through no fault of my own, I explode every one of their myths, from the narrative of idyllic same-sex couple parenting to the supposed fabulousness of post-Stonewall New York to the insistence that gay people are born a certain way and sexual orientation can never change.
I feel like walking around with a sign on my chest saying, "Dear Gays, Please Forgive Me For Existing." Their instinct would be to do what they usually do, which is ignore me. Anyway, I am conservative. That makes me Satan...

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Faith & Parents

Since the dawn of time, and I do mean since Adam & Eve, parents have passed their beliefs down to their children. Faith in particular is meant to be passed down from one generation to the next, first and primarily through the parents. It makes sense really. If parents live by a certain moral code and belief system and they believe that way of life best, they would naturally want to show their children that same path.
But faith is a personal thing. It is a mysterious gift,
given to some and not others, given in different measures, at different times. Moreover faith is interpreted very individually, but perhaps more because of our personal flaws and sins than for any reason of uniqueness. After all, God is the same yesterday, today and always.
Truth is Truth and does not change.
I was raised in a wholesome Roman Catholic Household, Irish, not that it matters. Although many readers will aha when they hear I was one of eight kids, and I am now mother to eight kids. Irish Catholics have that big-family reputation afterall , but in mine it is was and is a sign of our cooperation in God's procraetion. Anyway, when us kids hit that teenage rebellion stage and general adolescent laziness made us more interested in catching z's than going to church on Sunday, we heard the old, "As long as you live in this house, you live by our rules," speech. It made sense on many levels. It showed us what was imortant to our parents and how highly they valued God and the worship due Him. It also protected us from being God-less heathens just that much longer. I always thought we would have the same deal in our house with our kids, and we do, we did, for the most part, except for SSA.
Shortly after we learned of our son's SSA, he annouced he would no longer go to church with us. He said the church was anti-gay and therefore anti-him. I was devastated anew. Already worried about his salvation and the influence of the world, it seemed extremely important that he continue to go to church at least once a week, there to be surrounded by God's word and grace, to hear truth, and just by virtue of being in church, want to communicate with God. Our son told us just minutes before we were to leave, and when he would not comply with my order to get in the car, I felt powerless and panicked. I yelled the old standby.."As long as you live.." and when he still refused, I told him he would lose priviledges. I snatched his Ipod from him and grounded him storming from the house. At Church, I cried and cried struggling to control tears that ran and ran down my face. After Mass our pastor asked what was wrong, he probably thought someone had died. We shared, and he told us it would not be right in this case to force him. This was no teenage rebellion - because of his SSA, our son had rejected God and the Church, and we would have to respect his free will, pray for him and wait for God's saving hand.
After Mass we returned his Ipod, ungrounded him and explained our decision. Sometimes it still stings, and I second-guess the wisdom, but only sometimes, wistfully wishing he could have hung on a little longer, he could have read and researched with us the truth of his condition, the true meaning of his attraction to the same sex. Most of all that he could have held onto faith - through the thick storm of SSA - that he could have tried harder to understand the church, her position and that he could have searched for God's plan.
But whether or not he knows it, God has a big fat plan for our son - a big fat plan for me too. I just have to pray, to wait and to HOPE.