Thursday, October 28, 2010

SSA Souls as Victim Souls

This is the first time I have ever seen anything quite so clear as this explanation of the possible purpose of SSA. The author also seems to have a pretty real understanding of the lonliness and pain of a Christian with SSA. He explains it well and admits his explanation is entirely from a Catholic point of view. But it makes sense to me that all this suffering has a great purpose. Nothing is wasted, right? At least, and so long as it is accepted as a cross and offered for others. So are we Victim Souls?

Will it make the pain less - the ache and lonliness, the intense longing? A Christian would have to answer yes if he believed Jesus promise, "Take up your cross daily and follow Me." Matt 16:24 My yoke is easy, my burden light." Matt 11:28

I for one feel better just knowing someone understands that we are in pain.


Sunday, March 28, 2010

The Rise & Fall

I was visiting a friend's daughter today in the hospital. She's in a small psych unit that's basically for addicts in a holding pattern waiting for a coveted spot in a rehabilitation program. Such programs, too few, understaffed, underfunded are forever having to turn away the "ready-to-recover." My heart broke listening to this beautiful girl describe her last fall from grace. She had been working hard, she said, on her "list." A list CPS had developed as the conditions for her to regain custody of her 9 month baby boy. She was happily chicking the requirements off on the list, turning her life around for her son, when she hit the brick wall - a requirement that she attend and "graduate" from a certain rehabiltaion program, which program had as its requirement a permanent residence. But even if the homeless girl could solve that dilemma, she was informed the waiting list for enrty was at least six months out. "I thought, what's the use?" she said, "Might as well get high."

But I was looking at a girl who had fallen, again and again. And as tired as my friend was of picking up the pieces of her daughter's life, as tired as the girl was of trying, only to fail over and over, and after umpteem years as tired as so many hearts may be of praying for her, NONE OF US CAN GIVE UP. Hope must reign, and that means getting up again, and again, and again. Fall, get up.., fall, get up,.. fall, get up.

The journey out of homosexuality is similar. The "might as well ..have a drink, get high, have sex, or fill in the addiction here," mentality is a killer, a never-ending cycle, seemingly. But no matter how many "might as well" falls, you can get up again.

For those who believe in Christ, His example is clear on the Way of the Cross. In reality He fell numerous times, beaten, bruised, bloody the weight of the cross crushing Him.
The number of falls recorded by the Gospel writers is three. For the Jews numbers held deep spiritual meaning. The number three represents that which is solid and real, substantial, complete and entire. It seems somehow the focus of the writers was on His fall, but the Good News is not in His fall. The Good News is He got up again, and again, and again. As many times as it took til He reached Calvary. In His humanity, Jesus could not control the fall, or the soldier's whips, or the taunting crowd, BUT he could control His will to rise after each and every fall. And He did it for us!

It is our will to rise that matters most, not how many times we fail. Here's wishing you a happy Resurection and the will to rise.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

If only. . .

Here we struggle and work to know ourselves - to figure out what makes us tick the way we do, and then do our damndest to filter out what stems from past wounds and deprivations and what just is, and finally we work up the courage to change what should be changed, and hope to humbly accept what can’t. And then as though this sometimes gut-wenching process were not enough, we face the sting of rejection all over again, when close friends, (our “family”) call us liars and deny our honest experience of self.
We no longer fit in one world and feel horribly ill-equipped to fit in the other. Caught between both, we experience torture of the fiercest variety. What agony! We sit, once again, as we did in our youth, not fitting in, frustrated, broken, and so lonely.
If only..
If only old friends would remain loyal and supportive, not taking our choice as a personal affront but respecting our need to journey out of homosexuality. If only new friends could treat us with true Christian love, not letting phobias get in the way of getting to know us. If only every loving person could understand our painful past, our struggle in the present, and God’s glorious plan for our future.
If only..