Today was tough. Our 17 year old son now calls us by our first names. Today I heard him say it again. It kills, and I wonder if he really knows how he is twisting the knife in my heart.
You see our son claims we can not be his parents as long as we remain Catholic, as long as we refuse to renounce our faith, a faith he feels condemns the practice of homosexuality. No amount of reasoning or reasonableness seems to get through to him. He wants something we can not give, he wants us to deny truth and to condone acts contrary to truth. I would give him anything, anything else, my very life, the very heart he pains, anything, but my faith.
We continue to give him unconditional love as we have since learning he feels he is gay, and he continues to reject us. He will not eat with us, he will not stay in a room with us, he will not speak to us unless he needs something - and he goes out of his way NOT to need anything from us.
He intends to live away at college, which of course will take loans. College will necessarily involve us, as he is beginning to realize. My husband gets justifiably hurt by our son's rejection, which is why I wasn't going to bring up my personal pain at having to hear him refer to us by our first names again. I had every intention of sparing my husband and even managed to bite it down when a natural segue opened. Then somehow after the family rosary, we got talking about pain and it just came out. His gut reaction was, " Well, if we're not his parents, we don't have to help him with college." But I knew he didn't mean it. We understand the term "unconditional love." Haven't we been living it these past two years through excruciating pain? We will continue to show our son love and to give him all the same help we give to any of our eight children as they need it.
We will be Christ for him, let Christ love him through us (and others), and one day.. one day, because I believe God has a plan and I trust in Jesus, our son will call us mom and dad again. That day he will see that our love is bigger than his homosexuality.
God is bigger than homosexuality.
God is bigger than all our trials, all our sins, all our faults, bigger than our past, and He is our only present and future.
Pray for us dear reader, and pray for all who suffer SSA and their families.