If only. . .

Here we struggle and work to know ourselves - to figure out what makes us tick the way we do, and then do our damndest to filter out what stems from past wounds and deprivations and what just is, and finally we work up the courage to change what should be changed, and hope to humbly accept what can’t. And then as though this sometimes gut-wenching process were not enough, we face the sting of rejection all over again, when close friends, (our “family”) call us liars and deny our honest experience of self.
We no longer fit in one world and feel horribly ill-equipped to fit in the other. Caught between both, we experience torture of the fiercest variety. What agony! We sit, once again, as we did in our youth, not fitting in, frustrated, broken, and so lonely.
If only..
If only old friends would remain loyal and supportive, not taking our choice as a personal affront but respecting our need to journey out of homosexuality. If only new friends could treat us with true Christian love, not letting phobias get in the way of getting to know us. If only every loving person could understand our painful past, our struggle in the present, and God’s glorious plan for our future.
If only..


  1. Sometime the rejection you get is as you good as you give.
    I'm a mom, whose teenage son has so fully rejected his father and I ever since coming out as to never speak a word to us - even though we continue to show our love and support. The one thing he seems to want us to do - we cannot. That is to reject our Catholic Faith. We have not pressured him, nor do we preach to him or even to debate with him. His silence is our martyrdom of the heart and one I'm not so sure I can bear much longer except by grace. Please pray for us - the separation is hurting the whole family.
    Signed a mother's broken heart.

  2. Dear mother with a broken heart,
    I'm so sorry for your pain. All I can say is that as your son matures he may come to realize that there is always room for love of your family, even when you disagree over your lifestyle or orientation. Keep trying and don't give up, ever. I for one will pray for you and I hope others will too.


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